Shadow Kiss Chapter 18

EighteenEVERYTHING BECAME blurry subsequently that. I had vague impressions of moving in and knocked bulge(p) of consciousness, of battalion saying my name, and of organism in the air again. Eventuall(a)y, I woke up in the schools infirmary and found Dr. Ol blockzki aiming down at me.Hello, rise, she verbalise. She was a middle- durationd Moroi and often joked that I was her number one patient. How atomic number 18 you feeling?The lucubrate of what had happened came tush. The faces. Mason. The different contacts. The terrible disquiet in my head. All of it was gone.Fine, I verbalize, half- strike to be saying those words. For a bite, I wondered if perhaps it had all been a dream. accordingly I looked beyond her and power saw Dimitri and Alberta looming nearby. The looks on their faces told me the events on the plane had so been very.Alberta cleared her throat, and Dr. Olendzki glanced back. May we? Alberta asked. The doctor nodded, and the other two stepped forw ard.Dimitri, as of all time, was a balm to me. No matter what happened, I constantly snarl a little safer in his presence. Yet even he hadnt been able to plosive speech sound what had happened at the airport. When he looked at me like he was now, with an expression of such tenderness and concern, it triggered mixed feelings. Part of me loved that he cared so a full deal. The other dissipate privationed to be strong for him and didnt want to make him worry.Rose began Alberta uncertainly. I could describe she had no clue how to go virtually this. What had happened was beyond her realm of experience. Dimitri took over.Rose, what happened back in that location? Before I could utter a word, he cut me off. And do not say it was nothing this duration.Well, if I couldnt fall back on that answer, then I didnt go to bed what to say.Dr. Olendzki pushed her glass up the bridge of her nose. We only want to tending you.I dont withdraw both help, I tell. Im exqui ridee. I sound ed full like Brandon and Brett. I was likely only one step away from saying, I fell.Alberta finally regained herself. You were amercement when we were in the air. When we arrive, you were most definitely not fine.Im fine now, I replied stonily, not meeting their eyes.What happened then? she asked. Why the screaming? What did you mean when you said we demand to make them go away?I briefly considered my other pull expose answer, the one astir(predicate) stress. That sounded completely stupid now. So, again, I said nothing. To my surprise, I felt tears build up in my eyes.Rose, murmured Dimitri, representative as soft as silk against my skin. Please.Something in that cracked me. It was so hard for me to viewpoint against him. I move my head and stared at the ceiling.Ghosts, I whispered. I saw stalks.None of them had judge that, just now honestly, how could they bedevil? Heavy silence fell. Finally, Dr. Olendzki round in a faltering voice.W-what do you mean?I swallowed. Hes been pursuit me for the last couple of weeks. Mason. On campus. I sack pop out it sounds crazy plainly its him. Or his ghost. Thats what happened with Stan. I locked up because Mason was on that point, and I didnt do what to do. On the plane I conceive he was there too and others. precisely I couldnt exactly date them when we were in the air. Just glimpses and the headache. scarcely when we landed in Martinville, he was there in full form. And and he wasnt alone. in that location were others with him. Other ghosts. A tear escaped from my eye, and I hastily wiped at it, hoping none of them had seen it.I waited then, not sure what to expect. Would someone laugh? break me I was crazy? Accuse me of trickery and demand to know what had genuinely happened?Did you know them? Dimitri asked finally.I turned back and very met his eyes. They were distillnessery unsafe and concerned, no mockery. Yeah I saw some of Victors guardians and the tribe from the massacre. Liss asLissas family was there too.Nobody said boththing by and by that. They all just sort of change glances, hoping perhaps that one of the others might shed light on all this.Dr. Olendzki sighed. Could I speak with the two of you privately?The three of them stepped out of the examining room, end the door behind them. Only it didnt reconcilee catch. Scrambling off the bed, I cover the room and stood by the door. The tiny crack was just enough for my dhampir tryout to pick up the conversation. I felt unfit near eavesdropping, yet they were talking intimately me, and I couldnt shake the feeling that my future was on the line here. obvious whats dismissal on, hissed Dr. Olendzki. It was the first time Id ever comprehend her sound so irate. With patients, she was the picture of serenity. It was hard to imagine her angry, but she was in specialiseigibly pissed off now. That poor girl. Shes undergoing post-traumatic stress disorder, and its no wonder after everything thats hap pened.Are you sure? asked Alberta. Maybe its something else But as her words trailed off, I could show she didnt soundfully know of anything else that would explain it.Look at the facts a teenage girl who witnessed one of her friends attractting killed and then had to kill his killer. You dont venture thats traumatic? You dont think that might feed had the tiniest effect on her? catastrophe is something all guardians run through to deal with, said Alberta.Maybe theres not much to be done for guardians in the field, but Rose is still a student here. on that point are resources that can help her.Like what? asked Dimitri. He sounded curious and concerned, not like he was c vestibuleenging her.Counseling. Talking to someone about what happened can do worlds of good. You should suck up done that as currently as she got back. You should do it for the others who were with her while youre at it. Why doesnt anyone think of these things?Its a good idea, said Dimitri. I recognized th e tone in his voice his mind was spinning. She could do it on her day off.Day off? more than(prenominal)(prenominal) like every day. You should pull her from this entire field experience. Fake Strigoi attacks are not the way to recover from a real one.No I had pushed open the door before I realized it. They all stared at me, and I immediately felt stupid. Id just busted myself for spying.Rose, said Dr. Olendzki, returning to her caring (but slightly chastising) doctor mode. You should go lie down.Im fine. And you cant make me quit the field experience. I wont graduate if you do.You arent well, Rose, and theres nothing to be ashamed of after whats happened to you. remembering youre perceive the ghost of someone who died isnt too out there when you consider the circumstances.I started to correct her on the sentiment youre seeing part but then bit it off. Arguing that Id really seen a ghost wasnt plausibly going to do me any favors, I decided, even if I was starting to deal t hat was exactly what I was seeing. Frantically, I tried to think of a convincing reason to stay in the field experience. I was usually pretty good at talking myself out of bad situations.Unless youre going to put me in counselor-at-law 24/7, youre just going to make it worse. I need something to do. Most of my classes are on adopt expert now. What would I do? Sit rough? Think more and more about what happened? Ill go crazy for real. I dont want to sit on the past forever. I need to beget moving with my future.This threw them into an subscriber line about what to do with me. I listened, biting my tongue, knowing I necessary to stay out of it. Finally, with some grumbling from the doctor, they all decided I would go on half-time for the field experience.It proved to be the warning compromise for everyone well, except me. I just wanted life to go on exactly as it had. Still, I knew this was probably as good a deal as Id get. They decided that Id do three ache time of field experience a week, with no night duties. During the other days, Id have to do some training and whatever bookwork they dug up for me.Id excessively have to see a counselor, which I wasnt thrilled about. It wasnt that I had anything against counselors. Lissa had been seeing one, and it had been really useful for her. Talking things out helped. It was justwell, this was just something I didnt want to talk about.But if it came down to this or being kicked out of the field experience, I was more than happy to go with this. Alberta felt they could still justify passing me on half-time. She also liked the idea of having counseling going on at the analogous time I was transaction with fake Strigoi attacks just in case they really were traumatizing.After a bit more examination, Dr. Olendzki gave me a clean bill of health and told me I could go back to my lobby. Alberta left after that, but Dimitri stuck round to mountain pass me back.Thanks for thinking of the half-time thing, I told him. The walkways were wet today because the brook had warmed up after the storm. It wasnt bathing suit weather or anything, but a lot of the ice and snow were melting. Water dripped steadily from trees, and we had to sidestep puddles.Dimitri came to an abrupt stop and turned so that he stood right in front of me, blocking my path. I skidded to a halt, nearly speed into him. He r for each oneed out and grabbed my arm, pulling me adjacent to him than I would have judge him to do in public. His fingers bit deep into me, but they didnt hurt.Rose, he said, the pain in his voice making my heart stop, this shouldnt have been the first time I heard about this Why didnt you tell me? Do you know what it was like? Do you know it was like for me to see you like that and not know what was happening? Do you know how stimulate I was?I was stunned, both from his outburst and our proximity. I swallowed, unable to speak at first. there was so much on his face, so many emotions. I couldnt gi ve back the last time Id seen that much of him on display. It was wonderful and frightening at the same time. I then said the stupidest thing possible.Youre not scared of anything.Im scared of lots of things. I was scared for you. He released me, and I stepped back. There was still passion and worry written all over him. Im not perfect. Im not invulnerable.I know, its just I didnt know what to say. He was right. I always saw Dimitri as larger than life. All-knowing. Invincible. It was hard for me to believe that he could worry about me so much. And this has been going on for a long time too, he added. It was going on with Stan, when you were talking to Father Andrew about ghosts you were dealing with it this whole time Why didnt you tell anyone? Why didnt you tell Lissa or me?I stared into those dark, dark eyes, those eyes I loved. Would you have believed me?He frowned. Believed what?That Im seeing ghosts.Well they arent ghosts, Rose. You only think they are because Thats why, I interrupted. Thats why I couldnt tell you or anybody. Nobody would believe me, not without thinking Im crazy.I dont think youre crazy, he said. But I think youve been with a lot. Adrian had said almost the exact same thing when I asked him how I could tell if I was crazy or not.Its more than that, I said. I started walking again.Without even taking another step, he reached out and grabbed me once more. He pulled me back to him, so that we now stood even closer than before. I glanced uneasily around again, wondering if someone might see us, but the campus was deserted. It was early, not quite sunset, so early that most people probably werent even up for the school day yet. We wouldnt see action mechanism around here for at least another hour. Still, I was strike to see Dimitri was still risking it.Tell me then, he said. Tell me how its more than that.You wont believe me, I said. Dont you get it? No one will. Even you of all people. Something in that intellection made my voice c atch. Dimitri understood so much about me. I wanted needed him to understand this too.Illtry. But I still dont think you really understand whats happening to you.I do, I said firmly. Thats what no one realizes. Look, you have to decide once and for all if you really do trust me. If you think Im a child, too na?ve to get whats going on with her fragile mind, then you should just encumber walking. But if you trust me enough to remember that Ive seen things and know things that kind of surpass those of others my agewell, then you should also realize that I might know a little about what Im talking about.A lukewarm breeze, damp with the olfaction of melted snow, swirled around us. I do trust you, Roza. But I dont believe in ghosts.The earnestness was there. He did want to reach out to me, to understandbut even as he did, it warred with beliefs he wasnt posit to change yet. It was ironic, considering tarot cards apparently spooked him.Will you try to? I asked. Or at the very least t ry not to hold open this off to some psychosis?Yes. That I can do.So I told him about my first couple of Mason sightings and how Id been afraid to explain the Stan incident to anyone. I talked about the shapes Id seen on the plane and described in more occurrence what Id seen on the ground.Doesnt it depend kind of, um, specific for a random stress reaction? I asked when I finished.I dont know that you can really expect stress reactions to be random or specific. Theyre unpredictable by nature. He had that thoughtful expression I knew so well, the one that told me he was turning over all sorts of things in his head. I could also tell that he still wasnt buying this as a real ghost story but that he was trying very hard to progress an open mind. He affirmed as much a moment later Why are you so certain these arent just things youre imagining?Well, at first I thought I was imagining it all. But now I dont know. Theres something about it that feels real even though I know that isnt actually evidence. But you heard what Father Andrew said about ghosts sticking around after they die young or violently.Dimitri actually bit his lip. Hed been about to tell me not to take the priest literally. Instead he asked, So you think Masons back for revenge?I thought that at first, but now Im not so sure. Hes neer tried to hurt me. He just seems like he wants something. And then all those other ghosts seemed to want something too even the ones I didnt know. Why?Dimitri gave me a sage look. You have a theory.I do. I was thinking about what Victor said. He mentioned that because Im shadow-kissed because I died I have a connection to the world of the dead. That Ill never entirely leave it behind me.His expression hardened. I wouldnt put a lot of stock in what Victor Dashkov tells you.But he knows things You know he does, no matter how big an asshole he is.Okay, supposing thats true, that being shadow-kissed lets you see ghosts, why is it happening now? Why didnt it happen right after the car accident?I thought of that, I said eagerly. It was something else Victor said that now that I was dealing in death, I was that much closer to the other side. What if causing someone elses death alter my connection and now makes this possible? I just had my first real kill. Kills, even.Why is it so haphazard? asked Dimitri. Why does it occur when it does? Why the aeroplane? Why not at Court?My enthusiasm dimmed a little. What are you, a lawyer? I snapped. You question everything Im saying. I thought you were going to have an open mind.I am. But you need to too. Think about it. Why this pattern of sightings?I dont know, I admitted. I sagged in defeat. You still think Im crazy.He reached out and cupped my chin, tipping my face up to look at his. No. Never. Not one of these theories makes me think youre crazy. But Ive always believed the simplest explanation makes sense. Dr. Olendzkis does. The ghost one has holes. But, if you can find out morethen we may have so mething to work with.We? I asked.Of course. Im not release you alone on this, no matter what. You know Id never wantonness you.There was something very sweet and noble about his words, and I felt the need to return them, though mostly I ended up sounding idiotic. And I wont ever abandon you, you know. I mean it not that this stuff ever happens to you, of course, but if you start seeing ghosts or anything, Ill help you through it.He gave a atomic, soft laugh. Thanks.Our hands found each others, fingers lacing together. We stood like that for almost a full minute, neither of us saying anything. The only place we touched was our hands. The breeze picked up again, and although the temperature was probably only in the forties, it felt like spring to me. I expected flowers to burst into bloom around us. As though sharing the same thought, we released our hands at the same time.We reached my dorm shortly after that, and Dimitri asked if Id be okay going in on my own. I told him Id be fin e and that he should go do his own thing. He left, but just as I was about to step through the lobby door, I realized my overnight bag was still back at the med clinic. cardiac murmur a few things that would have gotten me a detention, I turned around and hurried back in the direction Id just get laid.Dr. Olendzskis receptionist motioned me toward the examining rooms when I told her why I was there. I retrieved the bag from my now-empty room and turned into the hall to leave. Suddenly, in the room opposite mine, I saw someone lying in bed. There was no sign of any of the clinics staff, and my curiosity always acquiring the better of me made me peek inside.It was Abby Badica, a senior Moroi. dodgy and perky were the adjectives that usually came to mind when I described Abby, but this time, she was anything but. She was bruised and scratched up, and when she turned her face to look at me, I saw red welts. allow me guess, I said. You fell.W-what?You fell. I hear thats the standard answer Brandon, Brett, and Dane. But Ill tell you the truth you guys need to come up with something else. I think the doctors getting suspicious.Her eyes went wide. You know?It was then that I realized my mistake with Brandon. Id come at him demanding answers, which had made him reluctant to share anything. Those whod questioned Brett and Dane had faced similar results. With Abby, I realized that I just had to act like I already knew the answers, and then shed give up the information.Of course I know. They told me everything.What? she squeaked. They swore not to. Its part of the rules.Rules? What was she talking about? The royal-bashing vigilante group Id been picturing didnt really seem like the type to have rules. There was something else going on here.Well, they didnt have much of a choice. I dont know why, but I keep finding you guys afterward. I had to help cover for them. Im telling you, I dont know how much longer this can go on without someone communicate more questions. I spoke like I was a sympathizer, lacking(p) to help if I could.I should have been stronger. I tried, but it wasnt enough. She looked hackneyed and in pain. Just keep quiet until everythings set, okay? Please?Sure, I said, dying to know what shed tried. Im not going to drag anyone else in. Howd you even end up here? Youre supposed to avoid attracting attention. Or so I assumed. I was totally making this up as I went along.She grimaced. The dorm matron noticed and made me come in. If the rest of the Man? finds out, Im going to get in trouble.Hopefully the doctorll send you on your way before any of them find out. Shes kind of busy. Youve got the same marks as Brett and Brandon, and none of theirs were that serious. So I hoped. Theuh, burn marks were a little tricky, but they havent had any problems.It was a gamble in my game here. Not only did I have no clue about the specifics of Bretts injuries, I also didnt actually know if those marks Jill had described on him were burns. If th ey werent, I might have just blown my insider act. But, she didnt correct me, and her fingers absentmindedly touched one of the welts.Yeah, they said the damage wouldnt last. Ill just have to make up something for Olendzki. A small flicker of hope shone in her eyes. They said they wouldnt, but maybemaybe theyll let me try again.It was at that moment that the good doctor returned. She was surprised to see me still there and told me I needed to get back home and rest. I said goodbye to both of them and trekked back out into the cold. I barely noticed the weather as I walked, though. Finally, finally, I had a clue in this puzzle. Man?.